Last week, whilst on a very early morning walk, I greeted an unremarkable looking older lady. I approached her briskly whilst she was emptying something into a bin and then we passed each other. The scene puzzled me and, on my return, I glanced at the bin contents as I passed. This is what I saw. I don’t know the story behind this person’s action but the word ‘shame’ came into my mind along with a feeling of compassion for this lady.
In working with clients I sometimes notice a confusion between guilt and shame. This is nothing new. More controversially, perhaps, I find that they often think of shame as wholly negative and something they ‘shouldn’t’ feel. Personally, I am a fan of appropriate shame. It’s a loud hailer to my conscience that something needs to be done. And some remarkable conversations have come out of sharing this view invitationally within a trusting and kind coaching context.